I am not a Christian, by the way I dress, that I read the Bible every day, that I go to Church every Sunday or abstain from drinking and smoking. I am not a Christian because I have different colored hair or skin.
I am a Christian because of the LUXURY of Christ's death for me, because is in my heart, that I believe this. That, God so loved the world, he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. That, God not only exists, but also that he is GOOD.
This is what makes me a christian, the presence of God in my heart, changing me, refining me, from the inside out.

"There were two monks walking along the bank of a river. A woman came up to them and asked for help in crossing the river. One monk picked her up and carried her over the river. He came back and the two continued to walk. One monk said to the other 'how could you touch a woman?'. The other said back to him, 'Oh, are you still carrying her? I left her back on the other side of the river.'"

I don't even know if I have the time for this anymore... HAHA.
***
"Everything you love is a luxury."
***
"You need to do this on your own."
***
"In the end, the only person you will have, is Jesus."
***
"You need to be strong. You've never been in a desperate situation. You need to know what matters to you in the long run, and you need to go for it. When I'm sitting in front of 2000 bills to pay, I don't feel. I just do them. I don't have time for feelings when I need to work. Now go get ready for school tomorrow..."
"It's Saturday tomorrow..."
"...oh. See what I mean?"
***
And so on.
Everything I love is a luxury.
I need to become stronger.
I got this blood flowing in me.
I don't want to wander about anymore.
Gotta do what I gotta do.

"Everything you Love is a luxury."

I feel very content with myself today.

Do we want to be loved?
Or do we want to be lovable?

I am so scared that I am losing you.

Your friendship means so much to me that I literally freak out when I think about the possibility of not having you as a friend.

"Since --- doesn't treat me well, it would be nice if YOU could BE NICE to me... When you get married, YOU NEED TO BE STRONG for your wife."

( )

Some of my posts...

...seem to be getting shorter and shorter...
***
It's okay. God's winning =]
I'm not perfect... you're not perfect... we all need God... it's all good.
Err or it will be.

I don't...

...even know where to begin...
***
I misunderstand. Therefore... because I do not understand I am not smart.
I am imperfect.
I make mistakes. Therefore, because I am not right all the time.
I am imperfect.
I am to be what I see as perfect.
I want to be perfected.
However I cannot reach any of these things.
So I am Imperfect.
Because I am imperfect.
Who am I to judge.
Who am I to speak?
To make accusations or to get angry?
I am imperfect.
***
I blame you. However, I am imperfect. Who am I to blame?
On what grounds can I blame you? For the way you've made me?
And you, for the hurt that you've caused me?
For I'm sure I have become a burden on your part.
I'm sure that I am not helpful enough to you.
And that I am not good enough for you.
***
But you God, you say that you love me.
You sent your one and only son to die for me.
But I see myself as undeserving.
Who am I that I can either accept or deserve that love?
So... I strive to be perfect.
But is this perfection, something that cannot be reached? Or infinitely far away?
I still see it as something that I can reach.
I cannot reach it.
I cannot reach.
I cannot.
I am imperfect.
***
What am I to say to you?
That you hurt me? That you made me like this? Fuck you?
For I'm sure I hurt you, For I'm sure that I was a burden upon you, For I'm sure you've muttered under your breath against me.
And that, that is my fault.
I am imperfect.
I am not good enough.
***
So they say... God looks at me and sees perfection.
That Christ in Me, makes me perfect.
It is both finished and unfinished, that the sincerity in my heart is what God looks for and understands.
That he realizes that life is hard. That we are imperfect.
Why can't I accept this?
It seems to be because that I don't think that I deserve it.
I am imperfect.
***
And so I want to be caring... compassionate... smart... because I see those values as being good, perfect values.
These seem to be my own values.
And the values put on by others.
But... to be burdensome, to be a bother, to be weak, to be unable to look after ones own self, is not good. So I become stuck, between opening my mouth, or forever holding my silence.
I open my mouth only because I know the want of care, the want to listen.
I don't wish to ruin the happiness of others. So I keep my mouth shut.
Yet... this conflicts with who, as a sinner, I am and what I want.
***
But now this arises... that my imperfection and want for perfection stems neither from the want to glorify God nor the compassionate desires in my heart, but my own selfish desires and wants to become perfect... like Christ, like God, in the most selfish, self-glorifying idol-istic way.
Both desires... to do good, and to do bad stem from my sinful desires.
And even they clash within each other. The voice of God joining the fray and turning my mind into a battlefield.
***
So when the mask gets taken off... is there really sincerity? Is there really a want for God? There might be a perseverance... (C.S. Lewis) But then what?
I am left with depravity, and sin, and nothing good in me... except for what doesn't belong to me... the love of Christ, God's love for us, his grace, Christ's blood.
***
Why don't I understand this love.
***
So I say, forget about me, leave me the fuck alone. For I am imperfect. You cannot benefit from my life, and I can do nothing for you.
And again, I ask myself, am I acting out of sincerity or for a want of attention?
If I were to say, "You can find me at the end of a knife, the bottom of a bottle, or the source of smoke." Would you care? Or better yet.
Do I want you to care?
Do I excpect someone to read it?
I am weak.
I am imperfect.
Please, step over me as you walk by.
I will smile, but you will not notice me.
So I will cease to do that.
For,
My life is nothing.
That this growth, the point of life, the refining I speak of, not that the bible speaks of, is not from desires to Glorify God, but my own.
I am, on my own.
***
But that's not true, now is it?
For the Holy Spirit, resides in this shit house that I call my heart.
Dirty walls, a crumbling foundation.
***
What the fuck do I do now?
Do I persevere with faith?
Act in confidence and courage?
How can I, when I am of sinful origin?
Yet, Christ washes me clean with his blood...
***
Do I really not want it?
Have I become so used to this?
***
What do I know though...
***
God I'm slipping... why am I even holding onto you?
And then a voice says, "You're not even holding onto him. He's holding onto you.
You don't even have the decency to cry out to him. Everything you've done is for yourself, you think you can become your own idea of perfect... No one will ever like you or find value in you... What would ever make you think that? You're insane to think that things will change. You can't offer anyone anything. Who are you to think that you can judge those around you when you don't even set a good example? They're not like you, they won't be like you, nor would they want to be you.

There is nothing good about you.

You should probably just go away."
***
And now that I know what's wrong with me... I have become paralyzed, unable to act, to come to the cross, to repent, which is the point of all of this...
To repent, to be redeemed...
***
Don't I have faith? Or has it sunk back and become knowledge now...?
What am I supposed to do?
***
So when I don't speak to you for a while, I assume you're too busy for me... out having fun... why should I take away from that, and ruin it? So I'll keep trying to smile.
You seem to be having a good life, all of you. I would only make that worse.
"Well what about their growth? Would you serve for their growth?"
"Well... I would if I could. But I cannot... how can I trust myself around them? It would only end in pain, suffering, regret. I cannot offer anything to anyone."
"Become a living sacrifice. Devote your life to me. My yoke is easy and my burden is light."
"Then I would have only you, just like it has been, for everyone I meet I continue to judge them... and in them I see my own imperfections... I don't fit in anywhere. I have nothing to contribute."
"Why don't you see that I love you?"
"That's right... why DON'T you see that he loves you? You are ungrateful and spoiled that you can't even see and understand and know that. You should just go away."
***
What is wrong with me...?
Oh wait that's right... I'm imperfect.
I'll stop talking.
For you? or for me?

I don't know...

...if I can do this.

So...

...should I sleep in bed with a knife next to me just in case my thoughts get the best of me?
Or will that walk to the kitchen be enough to stop me =D
***
HAHAHAHA
***
Hrm... Learning... a LOT.
Also... making me think more...
But not as much.
So I think what I'm learning now... is right.
But right now I see it only as black and white.
But those seem to be both wrong.
***
I feel like Perfect Me... I feel like a Perfect Me.
Perfect Me?
***
Do I live the way I used to? To show God loves me?
Do I live the way I think I should? To show God loves me?
I think these are both wrong...
Because it has been brought to my attention... just how shortcoming I really am. In a good way. That his light will be reflected off of me if he so chooses...
I am once again. Powerless.
***
So what happens when I take off this mask of... wanted perfection. The compassion, the niceness.
Better question... is it really a mask?
What's left?
I see bitterness. Frustration, anger, depression. Is that what's at the core?
***
What is in my heart?
What is in my heart.
***
And all I can think about is... "Jack Daniels could solve all of this." (But I'm really not. God please help me. Did I lose it? Did I lose my dependence on you? Did I do something wrong?? Am I bad? I just don't get it.)
***
So it goes.... aigoo.

I haven't felt like this in a while.

"haha
i love you too"

I'd like to take a minute...

...and point out a song that has meant so much to me in the last few weeks.
And still does.
And continues to give me encouragement in the face of... well. Whatever I'm facing.
It's helped me open up to people more.
It's helped me to keep striving after God.
It speaks to me in volumes of the Holy Spirit.
***
Lawl. Ya'll don't know.
***

Four Year Strong - It Must Really Suck To Be Four Year Strong Right Now

I'm a mess such a wreck don't forget about it
I drag myself through the dirt just to feel a little closer to the ground
Because I've always had my head up in the clouds
Take a second and look down
I've got my name on a string
Tangled up in lights despite the fact that they aren't working
I live my life on the line to find a way to be unforgettable

DON'T fix it if it hasn't broken yet!
Don't regret it if it hasn't happened yet
So let's GO a tiny spark to set it off
And EXPLODE ignite the dark eliminate the unknown
But since your heads in the clouds the best advice I found is don't look down

Face the facts you're a betting man and the deck is stacked
Against you all the time
Since your life is just a failure by design
Do you feel like your better without it?
Cause it looks like your nothing without it

DON'T fix it if it hasn't broken yet!
Don't regret it if it hasn't happened yet
So let's GO a tiny spark to set it off
And EXPLODE ignite the dark eliminate the unknown
But since your heads in the clouds the best advice I found is don't look down

(BREAKDOWN)
DON'T LOOK DOWN!
(BREAKDOWN)

A tiny spark TO SET IT OFF
Ignite the dark AND LIVE IT UP!

DON'T fix it if it hasn't broken yet!
Don't regret it if it hasn't happened yet
So let's GO a tiny spark to set it off
And EXPLODE ignite the dark eliminate the unknown
But since your heads in the clouds the best advice I found is don't look down

***
I feel like a lot of times I reach points in my life where I'm really frustrated, feeling like I'm stuck, unable to make a decision. But look...

Do we think we're better without God? Without God we've got nothing... Has it broken? Has he let you down?
It hasn't happened yet.
So just go...
***
"The best advice I've found is don't look down."
***
I gotta shower now I smell bad. >=]

Last night...

...there was an accident on the highway. My friend was there. She didn't want to speak to her mom... Why were we walking on a highway anyway...?
Oh... There was another part where I had to get to church I think... and a friend was coming along...
***
I like dreaming better than being awake. =]

"You will be okay."
***
I will be okay.

Haaaa....

....I'm tired.

We had conditioning this morning, and I have to go back for squad practice in about an hour and a half...
***
Got a bunch of trivial things on my mind...
Like what to do/eat.
Need to get my campus parking permit...
Got a really encouraging comment =]
Piano lesson with Tim Tsang... excited =D
Tired tho... definitely tired...
Worried about money... Aigoo. I should start lookin for a job...
Maybe that could wait till the summer.
I need to start studying for LSATs
I think I worry too much.
Err.
I think too much.
***
Last night's dream... was in the same place as a dream I had a while back.
It was a bunch of me and my friends...
(The first dream... we were in this Giant stadium... like a Colosseum... Killing this... things. It was very very visceral... gorey... etc. Kinda scary.)
But this time... there was this giant guy chasing us... and we were fighting him off... sortof.
I was shooting rockets at him... but then we all stopped for a second... realized this giant guy was taking some drugs... all he needed was someone to go say hi to him and talk to him. It's not like he wanted to be angry or anything... So I said hi... shook his hand. We didn't have to fight each other anymore.
And then like this lady over the loudspeaker said something like, the bad things that happen in our lives trap us, but we really need this love to set us free.
And then... all of these kids started appearing. They all looked so sad.
They were all victims of child abuse; physical, sexual, verbal...
I hugged one small kid and just started crying. He didn't deserve any of it... He doesn't know better... Why did that have to happen to him... At such a young age...

And then I woke up.
***
I feel my heart going in so many different directions right now...
Stupid...

The line between...

...the sinful desires and Godly desires keeps getting thinner and thinner, the closer and closer I draw to him.
***
I feel as if... as I learn more, the stuff gets harder. Does this make sense?
I realize how much more deprave I am. How much I desire things. Both Good and Bad.
I realize more about the cost paid for me.
***
The more and more I learn about myself, about God...
The more and more I realize that I not only need him, but that I feel like I could fall towards either direction. And all it takes is a small breeze.
God, please breathe on me, come like a rushing wind.
***
My house was definitely not this loud last semester... why can't I fall asleep now...? =[

HAH.

It is good to be back >=]
***
I feel it... the sinful desires... knocking at the door to my heart, wanting to take over...
And God I am so weak... Oh so weak...

But you are strong.

And I will boast in you, because my strength lies not in myself. But in you.
And I will call out your name by night, when the darkness comes.
God I need you.
And I always will.
***
How spoiled of me... that you have given me LIFE to experience.
And I take it so for granted...
That you allow me even just to breathe... God who am I...
***
Ha. I walk this thing line between my spiritual desires, and my sinful desires God.
It is such a thin line. And I am so much more aware... the closer I draw to you... of how thin that line actually is.

And I need you all the more.
***
You are good, my rock, my redeemer.
I will trust in you.

This is going to be an awesome semester. >=]

Last night's dream...

...was half of a church thing... where a lot of pastors came, and we got to ask them questions... they were funny. Then we were at a mission trip in a different country... it was raining a lot. So I was... in this building? And we made it across some water/obstacle course thingy. And on the other side were a few rooms. They were all broken and in a mess. We went into this one room... and monsters started coming out of the lockers... Like huge ass disgusting ones. Talking like Quake-4, Silent Hill, whatever you got coming out at us... So we were fighting them off/killin them... etc. Blood and guts everywhere... After we were done walked back to the missions place... I think I was studying for something on the computer... or playing cs... I think it was cs... And I think I woke up in Boston...

And then I woke up in real life and realized that I have to drive up there... Lame.

In last night's dream...

...I was freerunning with Ninjas on rooftops in some unknown city. They were pretty funny. Most of them had odd back stories that I would like flash to... It was very very fun.
Until we got into a temple where there were tons of traps that involved poisonous darts. I made it out alive... I think? =P
Mom woke me up, then I went back to sleep... and then had a dream someone (someone I know) was trying to set me up with this girl... Lame. =P

I've already...

...had two dreams today. One while I slept, and another while I napped.

1. In SC, driving around. I am somehow delirious/drunk[?] and can't stop my car. I get into an accident, no one else seems to be hurt... I'm lying on my back... my seat reclined... I am... praying? speaking to God? We (My mom and I) are driving to some Latin-American country (I can tell 'cause of the architecture...) We stop at a motel... I go for a walk down the hill/mountain/valley. It's extremely steep. I can't make my way back up. I see a temple-type thing, begin to climb up it... I then see my mom climbing down, looking for me.
We are then... taking a plan to some... tropical island... It's nighttime I see fish swimming in the ocean, there's a family friend there... We then decide to skate through Boston. And start skating in a park. There are animals there... Some girls end up talking to us. I don't like them 'cause they seem so fake... Then I see someone who I like very much Who's talking to someone, but she is happy to see me... She's had a busy day as well... My dream ends...

2. Oh my... I can't remember now...
I don't remember enjoying it very much...
***
Who am I? What am I doing?
I feel like I'm going backwards right now...
This seems so dumb...
***
Wrestle... wrestle with God for your blessings...

So I'm thinking...

...that I am me.

That... My desires are a reflection of who I am, not a statement. That I don't need to do good things, necessarily, to be a good person. That... wearing a cross necklace or a cross earring doesn't make me a Christian, but rather what's in my heart. Of course... what's in our hearts manifests itself in actions... but that... God looks at the heart... not the action. And to cut out that middle step... is what judging is. Like saying "You're irresponsible 'cause I saw you get hammered." Is that the case? or is the person irresponsible because he/she is irresponsible? Or even that maybe he/she just had a bad day and decided to drink as a result? The good deeds I do... come from my heart. Not from the need for good deeds... I don't think there are shoes or responsibilities that I necessarily need to fill, aside from sharing the love that God has so graciously shown me.
That being said again... because I am struggling with this ever-elusive "me" I don't understand this unconditional love, nor the freedom that comes with Christ's sacrifice for us. What is this freedom? We say it is submitting to the right 'causes that we find as just or right. That, more or less, freedom is that choice. But the freedom comes first. Not the choices. You think you are free when you are pursuing pleasure? Or fulfilling the law? Or are you truly free because of the sacrifice of Christ; that says, you don't have to do this, or have to do that, because you are justified in me. This freedom is that, because we cannot fulfill the law in front of us, because we aren't perfect, we don't need to be. That we don't have to live up to any expectations or standards, because God loves us. We don't take this freedom and run with it, or do whatever with it, but we live in it and share it. We share this love that we received and we share it. We don't use it as an excuse to get hammered or smoke pot or maybe even just to get up later in the day. It, instead, gives us the freedom to be. God says to us, "You don't have to look like anyone to be good in my eyes. That you are fine just the way you are."
No?
Well, what is in my heart? Hah. I don't really know =P
I want to play music that's for sure. I want to help others. I want to bring the love of God. I want to understand the love of God. I would like a girlfriend who will eventually become my wife. I want to become a judge. I would like to re-pierce my ears. Are these things considered sinful? I don't really think so...
Hrm.
I don't even know if I really understood what I just wrote... HAHAHAHA.

Lame.

I am planning...

...on re-piercing my ears.

I don't fully understand God's love for us. Or even for me.
I... Know it. but I don't KNOW it...
But one thing I am slowly beginning to see is that God loves me for who I am...
***
So much was said in the last four hours... It's almost hard to see what I learned because my head is thinking of so much stuff...
Let's start with how Good God is. How spoiled we are to have his sacrifice... Amen. Thank you so much...
And that there's no way we can ever reach a... level of perfection in his eyes.
But our growth, (slope of the function) is important, and what's in our heart is.
I think God also wants me to be myself... whatever that may be.
God's love for us isn't conditional, and I need to somehow... stop trying to prove it, or pay him back, or earn it... 'Cause I can't.
***
Mmmm. Hahahaha I thought I was pretty smart... I still have a lot to learn... it's never ending... It's an unlimited function, but our point on that doesn't matter... the slope of it does.
***
Hrm... Do I get it...?
***
"Stop beating yourself up... Be nice to yourself..."

winterOIL Day 4 Notes

//winterOIL.day4.notes

Bible Exposition/Closing Worship - Dr. Robert Norris (wut wutttt)
Galatians 5:13-6:10

Albert Camus wrote a play called Caligula, "You see in me 1 free man in the whole roman empire..." --> Such caprice and power is the not freedom, but the absence of restraint.
You think that freedom is doing whatever you want to do.
Everyone has a different definition of it... Existentialists, Hippies, etc.
Even Caligula was wrong. He's not free, but he lived for sensuality.
Freedom, is the submission to the right constraints, it distinguishes and desires true authority, the liberty to do what we want to do. It's not law that sanctifies us.
5.16--> Christian Freedom
5.24--> Spirit of Christ works in us
6:10--> How we respond.
Forgiveness is free, Christ called us to freedom, so we live in a different way.
C.Freedom is neither a lack of self discipline, nor is it indulgence. However, this isn't an excuse for a lack of freedom.
The value of law is to give a moral education. It's the main purpose of it. What behavior pleases God? Law. It's that God has changed right and wrong, but *we are delivered from the futile attempt at attaining the law.*
Law is an educator. It has no strength to give moral power but it gives understanding. It;s not individualism, but service in Love. Enslavement to Love.
Paul's freedom is in the service of others.
Christian is a perfectly dutiful servant and subject to all.
Lord of all, and subject to none (?).
In the street, a Dog walks by his masters side...
There are three kids of people.
1. Upright, restrained people. Restrained actions keep them from doing bad, but on the inside they resent doing Good. Their morality is a burden.
2. Other people have inhibitions and do what they want. Have liberties, but there's never enough to meet the needs.
3. Here Obedience to God is perfect liberty, a voluntary surrender (Joy) to God (In the Christian context.)

What does the spirit do?
Think of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Mr. Hyde did immoral things and Dr. Jekyl was ashamed of what he did. However, he could not stop taking the drug, and ultimately evil dominated.
It's a great representation of the moral conflict within a person, and can really show who we are.
The Spirit vs. The Sinful Nature. However, While Stevens was a pessimist, Paul is an optimist.
Cause the spirit lives in us, the spirit will win. This holy spirit for the believe... cause we are in Christ and the holy spirit is in us. With it, we can battle sinful nature.
Not Christian? Your upbringing is your moral rule. Nomos. Human nature to rebel, it engenders only guilt. It leaves no hope. The law can condition but it cannot change us. If we are led by spirit we are not under the law. It's not conforming life to a moral standard, but we have a new nature that informs our conscience but empowers our will and transforms our character, and we fight.
We can win this new war.
Acts of sinful nature are generally obvious. Fruits of the spirit... bring Moral inward renewal. The fruits of the spirit are chosen... There are no laws against these. It's not only prohibited, but the inner quality of people doesn't belong to the law. You cannot command people to be kind or patient. You cannot be these things, unless you are!
(Avenged ;D LOL) Sevenfold acts vs. Fruit... Some acts are evident. Different acts, different people. But the fruit of the spirit... when we manifest these, we have this same spirit in common with everyone else. When we act, all fruit is given and shared, it's not in pieces. It's the creation of the Character of Christ in you. It speaks to the integrity of Christ.
The Devil ain't afraid of one fruit... Nor does Moral Obedience earn salvation.
God breeds Holiness in people.
Letting go? Letting go? No.
Moral response to God is no passive. But active.
Our struggle isn't a self-reliance and futility, but a union of spirit.
Having Christ doesn't end the war, but it brings a certainty of victory.
When we are committed to Christ, we refuse to be mastered by desires.
Rank by rank, we stand behind the spirit of God.
God wants our intelligent obedience. Feed our mind with the things of Christ.

The Law Commands, but the Spirit brings power from heaven. It's not to imprison with rules. But it's to keep in step with the spirit.
Be responsible for one another. You belong together.
This walk, IS NOT A LONELY WALK.
You're responsible for one another. As the church...
We need the passion of Christ's heart and his sacrifice.

Amazed.

//end.day4.notes.

winterOIL Day 3 Notes

//winterOIL.day3.notes.

Missions Challenge - George Verwer

Matthrew 9 --> Jesus is a person of action. He was moved with compassion. So we should lay down our life for Others.
Luke 14:43
Philippians
Beware of extremism and asceticism.
Ep.6, 1:6
Love us + love them...
There's no excuse 'cause God loves us.
Galatians 2:20.
Christ lives in me... Worship without message is deception.
There's a balance here. Not a contradiction, but a paradox.
We need to take up the cross as a soldier of Christ.

You are special.

You are a child of God.

Acts 13, Romans 11, Ecclesiastes, Acts 1:8.
Optimistic, faith filled visionary!
Bring the Message w/help, not help w/the message (Up for debate. But a very valid point nonetheless =] )

Bible Exposition - Dr. Robert Norris, Galatians 4:10 - 5:15
Mazes can be frustrating, we can get nowhere, or end up back at the beginning. This is true of the Galatians, who went back and flirted with legalism. Jesus delivered us from this. However, in mixing this, we've been reverting what has been done to us...
We need to be careful with our past...
Paul says "I plead with you brethren..." "My dear children..." He's remembering the first meeting he had with the Galatians, when he was Ill, and was led to Galatia. "Sick --> Divinely disfavored..." But Galatia welcomed him with open arms.
Can you remember that love? How could you turn from me? Am I your enemy?
"Do you only love me when you hear what you like?"
Sheep, have teeth, and will bite back, as shy as they may be.
This goes the same for God's sheep.
Paul truly loves them, and warns them about people who are trying to turn them over. A lot of times, Zealous (in the bible) was meant as sarcasm and for courting someone's favor. Certain people were trying to isolate sheep and preach the gospel for their own good. Paul is definitely fighting over them, for them. Not as a justified lover, but an anxious parent who truly cares for their kid.
The Galatians are young --> We need to be discerning about the people we let into our lives and who influences us spiritually. Zealousness isn't a test of spirit, and neither is being keen, but we can't surrender our minds, but we must be aware of the motivations that lie beneath!
You must look for them, people who can keep us spiritual accountable. It may not always be comfortable. But we need to be honest.
Paul wants the Galatians to have Christ formed in them, He wants Christ to be formed in us.
Who will we follow? We should find good people who have Christ in their lives who will pray and share and shape our lives.
Paul wants the Galatians to have Christ in them... "Are you not aware?" There is a natural desire in young Christians to be more Christian... There's both Grace and Law (Will become "Christians" by following the rules).
Another point is that there is the Covenant of Abraham and the Law of Moses.
Generally, when we use the old testament... we can do either illustration or parallels.
And Illustration would be like in Joshua Ch. 2 where the red is an illustration of the protection of blood in Jesus. The author who wrote that didn't intend that, but it's a verbal and visual tie.
(And if the guy making the illustration is wrong? He's just wrong...)
When we draw parallels however, it's not coincidental (in reference to the corresponding of Old Testament Stories and New testament meanings). This also works under the assumption that there is a deliberate pattern that God uses in dealing w/people, so that we would learn...
So let's take a look at what Paul says...
There are 4 motifs... 2 Wives, 2 Covenants, 2 Mountains, 2 Cities. There is two in common! The Jews took this and used it to make it like...
Jews + Everyone else where the Jews inherited the Covenant, Descendants of Sarah and Isaac, but everyone else is of Hagar and Ishmael.
But this is wrong! It's not two races, but two kinds of religion!
1.) Bondage (Hagar, Slavewoman, Ishmael, Sinai, Covenant where Jerusalem was the promise. The Religion of Bondage.)
2.) Freedom (Sarah, Freewoman, Isaac, Son, Zion! Not Jerusalem, but the heavenly City.)

These two are at odds w/one another just as Sarah and Hagar were, and how they were at war (and still are at war).
The Juda-izers (?) Belong to Hagar, not to the Gentiles, to Law, and not to Grace. These are the Legalists.
The Heirs of Sarah, not Jews, but those born again by God's Grace, are sustained not by law that binds but the gospel that sets free + is Gods MERCY. We belong in the city in HEAVEN, not in Palestine.
Hagar, now is Jerusalem and reprsents slavery, but the Jerusalem above, she is our mother. We are no children of the slaves but of the freewoman.
The 2 distinctions in the world has nothing to do with anything but faith in Christ.
Jesus fullfilled the law, in your name, and walked calvary for you, fulfilled God's requirement for you.

Justive in heaven is met by obedience of Christ.

Christ died for you! Stand in his freedom! Or be burdened by the weight. The Jews (and of course, we are refering to those considered "Pharisees" etc...) would use this as submission, the law is the yoke that shackles you.
But Matthew 11 says "Take my yoke"! It is a yoke of Grace! And it is not burdensome.
Christ says to us, "You belong to me, I will never let you Go." He releases us from a religion of rules and burdens.
"Do these things and Live! Do not and Die!" This is the religion of Burden.
Guilt and Shame fill your soul because you can't fullfill these laws, and your soul condemns you. It's NOT your QUIET TIME or the fact that you go to CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY that SAVES YOU. It's his GRACE. But we do all of these things out of love because it is the GRACE of CHRIST that DRAWS me INTO Obedience and Worship. It is the Grace that says I won't ever let you go.

You cannot earn this Grace. It is freely given, and God,
(PN)We are so spoiled.

You cannot pick and choose the law, this burdensome law... if you want to please him, and the righteousness of God, you need to be 100%, not 50% or 75% or even 99%. You CANNOT meet this standard! You cannot obey it perfectly!
Then... despair comes.

This isn't an Apostate religion... that makes people desert it...
Jesus would not have needed to come if we could do it alone.
BUT. Because we were helpless and hopeless, Christ came because of this.

He paid the penalty by meeting the demands of the law and brought mercy upon us because he met God's Justice.

That is the Gospel.
Divine Grace.

By faith we wait for the righteousness in which we hope, that he has provided. We wait eagerly, as children of God! All that matters is our faith to him.

So we say that Circumcision doesn't need to happen for your salvation. But people condemn Paul, saying "You're willing to support when it supports you!" The Cross makes redundant Moses' Law and Scandalizes it. But Paul hasn't changed the Gospel, that still stands. Timothy was circumcized to be a witness for his own community.
Remember, the gospel is designed... for freedom. Be wary of certain things that say...
"Every Christian is like this..."
Don't be like anyone else except Jesus.
Don't really have to look like anyone except Jesus.
We don't have to wear his coats, unless we want to (?).
Don't submit to enslavement.
Guard this freedom, this freedom we have in Christ, not as we please... So guard that freedom.
In Grace, Live. In Grace, Sanctified. Grace.

Seminar 3 - Sanctification

How do we receive Grace in life?
And how does Sin, Law, and Grace all work?
Both the OT and NT talks about this
OT --> Come apart, Shine in (?)
NT --> Holy, Separation TO God (?), Luke 1:70, Ep 3:5; Ethical relationship with God so we can serve acceptably... Ep 1:4, Col. 1:22.
How are we separated from the world to God? How do we shine in the world and serve God?
1. What does God's Grace look like in S(?)
2. How do Justification and Sanctification work together?
3. How far in life?
It's not what we do, it is not a work of man. It is a work of God, his holy spirit working on our souls CREATING a DESIRE FOR GOD. Discipline is increased. The will needs to cooperate with life. (Romans 6+7)
We think that... Saved by grace... Live the law. The truth is... We've broken rules, rules bring pain, The Law was designed to produce pain. There were three uses of law. --> Designed by God to restrain evil, not end it, nor cure it. It's like a speed limit, but God sees you speeding anyway >=]
The spirit of God doesn't make you into a robot... it gives you desires.
You don't do it? Well, then you didn't do it. Where's your heart in all of this?
Everytime we sin, it is a temporary abeyance of faith.
The Holy Spirit does say to us, "I won't make you go."
Things may give us pleasure, but it is a breach of the desires of the things of God, given by the Holy Spirit. You ultimately come back to repentance.
We need to repent of our un-righteousness and our righteousness. We then need to stand in our righteousness in Christ.
The life of Sanctification is REPENTANCE. We weep 'cause we offended him and he says to us "I love you."
We should say... "Thank you for working in me to overcome my flesh, and grow in Christ." We should trust in the mercy of God."
In the Psalms, David would repent again and again... It is a work of God that we cooperate and it changes us.
Prayer.
Romans 7(?)
Sin is deep inside, more than what we do... The ultimate sin under it all is... (LAWL u gotta wait.)
We should find people we can share sins with... Someone accountable who can preach the Gospel to you... like a mutual sharing and preaching.
So the root of sin? It's...
Our unwillingness to glorify God and put him as the center. We then, choose other things as Gods.

(SORRY. I passed out here... for a little bit... then woke up...)

Every time we sin... we break the covenant that God has made with us... we're all worshipers at heart. It's just what we're worshiping that makes the difference...
Quiet time will not take away lust. But overcoming it is seeing that there is a greater love than your lust. The Holy Spirit says "Let me show you Jesus." And this love, is much more real, and much more clear.
"Law" --> QT WILL SAVE ME. RROWNG. (Wrong)
"Grace" --> I'm going to look for my Jesus.
We need to apply Grace. Romans 6.
Jesus > Sin, Grace CHALLENGES our Hearts.
Remorse is... "Oh I'm caught..." Repentance gives to God. (The Glory[?])
Hopelessness and Despair (No Gospel) vs. Sorrow + Grief (The Gospel)
Loooonnnggg time ago. Some guy (Totalia, 1600 years ago) said...
"Our crime, our highest guilt and cause of judgment is idolatry."
All crimes are detected... in all crimes. Idolatry.

"Each person acts as if God doesn't make him happy."

(Ohsnap. Calling you out.)

The Law has three components, one, to condemn, two, to point out that sin is sinful, and three, it reflects the character of God. It's meant to "restart" not "redeem".
How do we deal with this?
(Ex. Guy would beat his wife, he distorted the scripture, he idolized himself.)
You need to be willing to challenge your Idols. And It'll try to build up a wall and say to you "It's not wrong what you're doing! It's not wrong!"
He also didn't know peace with God.
You need to challenge with the Gospel.
Unmask the idol. It creates fear when we do this because we have dignified it. We need God. We can't do it on our own.
A lot of times, we say, to our idols, "I need this as a requirement for being fulfilled."
1. Learn to hate sin, hate the idol. "GOD YOU JUSTIFY ME, NOT THIS." Don't be controlled by it. Christ is my life. My heart CAN TAKE A GOOD THING and DISTORT IT =[
2. Rejoice in the Grace of Jesus, you are my salvation and righteousness. Are you feeling bad now? The Idol says you are unfavorable and that you need it...
The GOSPEL says that you look for something other than Christ.
But it's okay...
'Cause the Gospel saves.
1. It's Just + Merciful, it gives Jesus... who meets justice and displays mercy as my substitute.
2. Imputed righteousness. Jesus imputes righteousness onto us. It's not our righteousness but his forever. We are never unloved.
3. Christ has, by death, Justified our souls. "I am a sinner =[!"
"No. You are justified."
4. You are adopted, the legal son of God, welcomed into heaven.
5. You are preserved, you didn't earn it, but you do have it forever.

Seminar 4 - Knowing Gods Will.

"Minority Report" --> It's not like Do this, do that... etc.
We're always going to have huge decisions to make, and the decisions that we've made, well, they're not as big as we once thought.

4 Points --> 1. Views, 2. Biblical Understanding, 3. Choices, 4. Practical Steps.

1.Views
A. Traditional View --> Detailed individual plan, need to figure it out. God has the world in his hands and sees you. What if you went the wrong way? Have you messed up?
B. Traditional Charismatic View --> Plan, still a plan, listen to a pastor, it's like a word of prophecy. But what if that person was wrong?
C. Wisdom view --> YES, there is a plan, but it is an unraveling scroll, we cannot understand or see it but it's not normal to lead/show us. --> Here I am doing my best, praying, growing, I become more biblically wise. We know the fathers heart, we are parallel.

2. Biblical Insights
Romans 12:1-2 --> Become a worshipper, then we are transformed, bing. Wisdom.
Romans 8:28 --> God works for the Good of those who love him. Purpose; Called to it. Predestined for this purpose; to the likeness of his son. Not really details, but heart behind your decisions, become like Christ!
Like rafting, you will get to the end. You might get hurt, but you will make it.
So choose to be in the river of Grace and Salvation. There is much freedom within that.
40 years in the desert? God is most concerned with us BECOMING GOOD CHOOSERS.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in God, with our heart...

3. Choices
A. Good + Bad --> Look it's pretty black and white here...
B. Good + Better --> Better package...
C. Good + Good --> It's equally good here...
Well, what would God want for you? What you choose, is his will for you.

4. Practical Steps
A. Dedicated in heart. Romans 12:1-2
B. Research. Numbers 13
C. Pray James 1:5
D. Discuss. (Get sum gooood friends namean?)
E. Meditate. Think long term.
F. Decide. It's you and God here.
G. Anticipate - Hope in God. Romans 8:28

Evening Worship - Dr. Min J Chung, Fight For Fire

(Aigoo intense notes...)

How can we fight sins and temptations so we can have a fire for God?
Romans 7:15 --> Frustration! Girr!
Romans 7:24-25 --> Small victory...
Romans 8:1 --> Yay Jesus!
Romans 9:3 --> Loves people, so loving that he would be cut off in order to save people.
Fighting sin, is becoming more like Jesus.

I. Anatomy: What's in our hearts? (Romans 7:15)
A. Desires --> We are born with sinful desires, then born again with spiritual desires "wants"
B. Thoughts --> "Understand" The mind does not seem to be in control, it's heart + thoughts.
C. Feelings/Emotions --> Negative emotion? We can sympathize... We are contradictory... not complimentary. (Bible says we're bad, Psychology says we're naturally Good, like animals) There is a small problem here, lots of times Medicine replaces repentance. Changing our heart? Only God can do this. Paul might have been considered Bipolar/Skitzo. Paul's answer is God.
D. Actions --> "Doing" Like will + Choices
E. Duality --> I want/I hate, we have a dual nature. Essence and Nature contradict each other. Love God/Hate God, Live for yourself/for God.

(Pretty picture here...)

II. Behavior - The key to seeing your sins/motives/heart: You need to analyze your emotions. If it's an unbiblical disobedience you can see it, but a non-biblical action is harder to see. (i.e. eating, what is the intensity of loving of eating?)
Emotions/Feelings and the heart: Did you get your desire or not?
A. Feelings are related to desires: Pleasure or pain. Positive? You got what you wanted or you might get it. Negative? You didn't get, might not get or get what you don't want. And pay attention to the intensity of these emotions. The intensity of our +/- emotions show our motive. What we love and desire is very different. (Like kicks... namean?) On a scale of 0-10 how much do you care? You might sin 'cause of this/that... It's all related to what you want.
B. Feelings are affected by thoughts: Through your senses.
Don't know something? You don't feel anything. You're fine 'cause you don't think you have an exam, but when you know about it you flip out.
How do you know in mind? (Senses) Compliment? --> Senses (hear it) --> Think about it --> Feel it.
Mind percieves, stimulates the desire. --> Feel.
C. Gotta understand... analyze and discern feelings...
Sinful Nature (Pleasure principle) + Spiritual Nature (Moral principle).
Bad + Bad --> Did sinful and got no pleasure, and you're guilty... =[
Bad + Good --> Did something good but got no pleasure...
Good + Bad --> Sinful + Guilty... you Enjoyed it though... (Watch out for addictions...)
Good + Good --> YOu're in the Zone... it's God's glory and your glory.
I.e. B+B could lead to depression...
D. Feelings are not desires.
Desire is like fuel, the thought is the match, and the feeling you get is the fire.
Desires are invisible until emotions come out so you can see them. Thought is like putting the pain on the invisible man so you can see him.
A lot of people assume if you have no emotion to God, you don't love him or feel him.
But... yoou may love him, but not really thinking about it nor aware of it.
It could be an invisible desire. We can have unemotional desires.
Self-Denial... doing things even without emotion. There may be fuel, but there's no spark. So think! Light the match! Keep on serving! Choose the Cross + emotion will follow!
E. Feelings can affect choices, but desires make these choices.
May feel like not, but you still can do things out of love/"the right thing". This is perserverance. Do this and do it cause it's right.

III. The Key to Fighting Your Sins/Motives/Heart: The Mind
A. It speaks: Reveals the heart.
1. What is a thought? The mind can reveal a heart and affect the heart. The thought is the context of the heart. It's what you love, while feelings are how much you love.
2. What are patterns of thoughts? It's like playing guitar... Can become second nature. If we fall into an addiction, we can have a train of thoughts/patterns. Addiction --> Guilt --> Lonliness --> Addiction --> Self-Condemnation, it's hard to stop.
B. It eats: Strengthens the heart.
1. Sinful thoughts, stimulates and grows the heart in a negative way (away from Jesus)
2. So eat the word! It accuses and the Holy Spirit uses it to fight, it becomes the power to fight against thoughts.
C. How to train your mind.
1. Naturally, somethings we do, we remember. We remember what we care about. We follow suite.
2. Intentional Repititon, we tried to remember it. It's like we're building a new train of thought. We need to try to fight that. You need to make a formula of the spirit/word of God so you can love God and even have emotions for God.
Build the train, it'll help. Start with what you like + what is good. Put it together. Like Coffee in Bookstores.

IV Implications: How to Fight Sin/How to be on Fire for God
A. Understanding the Gospel: The doctrine of Justification and Glorification.
Glory to JEsus... it's going to be hard, but he's with us. 1John 1:9 It's a continual confession = purification, sanctification.
We need him again and again and again. Commit yourself over and over again! You will grow with your failures.
God, he sees you growing through your commitment.
We will keep growing until the day we die.
So try to grow by his Grace.
B. A heart that Loves: With all of your heart...
Fuel, growing your heart... it gains in desire + love daily through prayer, QT, Etc.
Capacity vs. Condition (Emotion)...
The Capacity grows, it's alove! We grow and we change! 1 Minute prayer? You can grow.
You feel like quitting? Just do a little bit more.
Grow.
C. Emotions that reveal: Discernment --> Analyze your heart + emotion
D. A Mind that fights: Thoughts of Christ, Philippians 4:8. Christ is noble, true, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy.
E. Actions that picture Christ: Moved not by emotion but by desires of love. Desire! What is right. Not by emotion.
Every day as we try to live, we are drawing Jesus.

Fight for Fyah.

//end.day3.notes.

winterOIL Day 2 Notes

//winterOIL.day2.notes.

So! Day 2! First full day! Intense intense....
I'm leaving out the QT... well... maybe I won't actually...
This stuff is gonna be long...
As always... I hope that you get blessed... somehow through reading this. Grab your bible...
Hopefully God can speak to whoever reads this... =P Namean?

I also decided not to include the bible verses in the post... only 'cause it takes up RIDICULOUS amounts of space... =P READ JO OWN BIBLE. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
FEED YOUR HEART. >=]

Morning Devotion - Psalm 63

1. Time when you were in the desert... but your heart was in the sanctuary... vice-versa...
2. What can we learn about David's heart?
3. What can we learn so that we can be prepared for the desert?

Hrm. Well.
PN: He yearns for God, he is good + righteous. He has seen God, and 'cause he knows God he longs for him... 'cause God is Good.
Depend on God... he's got a perfect and permissive plan... rejoice knowing not only that he exists but that he is GOOD. Be confident.
FROG. What can we do? There's nothing in a desert, it's all dry... there's no water... Depend on God. Bless the storm. Bless the desert. Depend on God... The Desert, the storm, it all helps us grow.
Romans 5:1-5 (i think...)

Bible Exposition - Dr. Robert Norris (aka epic [welsh] accent)
Galatians 3:1-4:9

Lots of times... we know God and we fear him... but we do not LOVE him; We may have faith, but also great guilt. Martin Luther... FEAR of God! But where is the Joy?
We now have... the faith of a servant vs. the faith of a son.
Like the mechanical zeal of a pharisee... sometimes we're like perfectionists in our faith... it makes us imprisoned and afraid... We are now on a treadmill of pedantic religiosity.
BUT.
There is FREEDOM in the FAITH of JESUS CHRIST.
--> He knows this (Paul) and wants to address the Galatians, who were building these... prison walls of religiosity.
LAW? NO. That would go against this Gospel of Grace. The Gospel is not man made... how can we distort it or change it? The Old Testament Laws were there to guard... until Jesus comes.

The Jews though there were two types of people...
1) Jews - Superior... Spiritually unique...
2) All the rest. Lawl.

But Paul instead... writes that it is evil and destructive as legalism... you cannot use this with Christianity; God's promises spell freedom. --> We are all sons of God in Christ Jesus. When we are baptized... we wear his clothes and become heirs to Abraham's promise.
This is important because... back then especially... because Clothes would define who you are (Social Status, ages, rank/race...) So when we become Christians... although we may wear the same clothes... we are now Children of God with no barriers between the rest of us.
We still have our same culture, BUT we have a new group identity that overlaps social unity. There is a same humility. Not Circumcision, but Baptism.
And this... transcends ALL barriers.
"You belong to the family of Christ." --> Do you feel the family and community?
Barriers separate Gods Grace and Wisdom.
Our Culture is not lost... but SUPERSEDED in Christ!
...Break the barriers that separate.

*Quick note... I was planning on staying up all night and typing these notes...
But... Dr. Robert Norris... you... sir, are a man of God... And you love him so much that your expositions on his word are just SO AWESOME. AND SO INTENSE... that I cannot continue to stay up and re-read through all of my notes and type them up...
I will continue tomorrow when I have time... --;;; aigoo.

9:00 am...

So. Slaves vs. Sons?
We have this age, 21. This is generally when children move to becoming... older... Men, yaknow? This is, or at least was, the inheritable age. Until this age, the son was no better than a slave because he was unable to inherit everything that his father has for him.
So there is also a tutor, who would look after this boy and his property until he becomes of age. Just like this... Paul says that history is divided in two, a spiritual minority vs. majority, that is separated by a 21st birthday for the human race.
We were gas good as slaves, regardless of our future! v3 talks about the basic principles of the world... Fundamental Truths (Like in Hebrews... laws...etc...), Fundamental Constituents (Chemical Elements that make us up... and the world can(?)would(?) be destroyed by these elemtsn) and Spiritual Forces (Deity's/Demons/Angels) of this world...
And this world is in bondage. Growing up under a tutor... we were held prisoner by the law, the law of God. This law, of religious activity condemned all of us. God would judge us, and so we would FEAR.
Pre-Christians... worldly deities, enslaved us, Hew or Gentile. We are bonded to our culture. (i.e. Jews- religious rules). So when the law was supposed to free us, it made us feel guilty and condemned. Here the Galatians are being related to pagans.
Today... everyone's spiritual instinct is like the old testament... we ask about ultimate meaning, so we made our own religions... The mystery of our own existence makes us ask... and it ultimately turns into this legalism...
We become slave to this... bonded to this idolatry... Jewish Law, Pagan Gods, Human Philosophy (lawl.).
This Bondage... is the natural condition of the human heart till our "21st" Birthday.
When Jesus comes into the world, we are no more a minority.
He came, shared this tutoring, the condition of spiritual bondage. LIKE US, he was born under the Law.
But he doesn't belong here.
Redeem! Mission! He came to redeem us from the slavery and the order of all things! To bring us into freedom of The Fathers new world. How costly is it redeem a slave... and Jesus paid that price.
Just as when people are adopted into families there are legal implications...
When we are adopted by God, we have all the same rights + privileges of being co-heirs with him. We are not kids anymore =P Enjoy the freedom + heritage as being sons of God with faith in Jesus Christ.
Lady + Rent story... Ironic. Let's enjoy the freedom of God when he comes knocking.
He's the generous giver, not the man who's come to collect the rent.
We are now children of God! We have a new nature! And the spirit of God is in our heart!

Coo. Oh Dr. Norris... your expositions are insanely long and epic...

Seminar 1 + 2 - Heart Motives

Why do we have nagging feelings? Or Don't get along? Why do we doubt? have depression? Apathy? Discouragement?
Who Am I??

This is a doctrine (actually a Thesis by Min Chung =P) of total depravity... Where we totally lack the spiritual good before God. It's not utter depravity where we are as bad as can be... but it's total depravity where there's nothing we can do, in our nature, that's good.
Without Christ, we can do nothing special in Gods eyes. Even doing good things, mean nothing because of our sinful nature.
It stems from selfishness. That everything we do without Christ... is for ourselves.
Emotions... are about the things we care about... you're emotional about something? You care about it. "Your mama"
Well why? 'Cause our mom gives us stuff. Why don't we like our dad? 'cause he doesn't give us stuff.
We are totally deprave, so we are selfish. And without Christ we will always be selfish.
True joy... comes from God and purpose.
So... it's either...
Enjoy life --> Getting what you want --> Selfishness. --> Meh. Woo~
Enjoy life --> Enjoy God --> True Joy from God + Purpose.
As Christians, we have two natures... our spiritual nature and our sinful nature. Our sinful nature will remain with us until we go to heaven.
(Galatians 5:16-17) We still have a sinful nature.
So...
It's... Glorify God vs. Glorify myself...
It's a battle. Like Gollum, like in Colossians 3:5
We need to repent =]
All of this, is a tool to help us repent... it leads to forgiveness and cleansing.
1 John 1:9.
If we're not convinced that we're drowning in sin, the cross does not mean that much to us.
(But we are...)
Heart Motives is a Theory and a System... It's a motivational system that helps us see why we do what we do, and what drives us.
Genesis 3:5 --> We will be like God... So we desire to be God. Which is the essence of Sin. And we all desire to be like God in a specific way.
There are two layers to our motives... Success; which is getting what you want. And Failure; Which is not getting what you want...

God to be know... We want to be know. (Like Me)
God to be loved... We want to be loved by chosen ones. (Love me)
God's standards are to be obeyed... We have our own standards and obey them. (Perfect Me)
God to be worshipped... We want to be worshipped (Respect Me)

Ultimately: What do we want? What do you want? Why?

So... the heart motives are...
Respect Me
Like Me
Love Me
Perfect Me
And there are Success/Failure layers for each (Getting/Not getting what you want) and minors (a secondary heart motive.)

Ask me if you want more... detailed (?) traits of each motive...

1. Perfect Me --> You are driven by an inner standard from which you cannot escape. You live by principles and standards... almost like a picture or list of what you/it/life should be like. The keyword here is HIGH, because you want to be as perfect as possible. It's generally about the self, and your own opinion of yourself. You also think that things/people/friends should be like this or that... and if that is broken... you are generally hurt. Here we want to live by principles. Relationships, are a gauge for how well you are doing. It is also Character (Who they are) vs. Purpose (What they do/goals --> In doing this/that, what is my purpose and how can I achieve that?)

2. Respect me --> Your inner desire is to be respected by others. The keyword here is ABOVE. How you speak and your tone is very important. We think... where am I in relation to others? As soon as "Respect Me"s enter the room, they evaluate the people in the room and find their own status. They think in terms of groups and how they can conquer things/people/projects. In relationships... It's like a hierarchy, where they want to be ABOVE.

3. Like Me --> Your inner desire is to be liked by others (everyone =P). Here, the keyword is WIDE, because everyone's opinion matters. If someone honks at you, it bugs you. For hours. You want to "convert" everyone into liking you. You're trying to spread the gospel of yourself. Your audience? Everyone. You may like certain people more; but that's probably because they can make you more popular. You try to get along with everyone, but you can be offensive. And that also tends to be for a greater goal... like community bashing...

4. Love Me --> Your inner desire is to have a maximum genuine love from others. The keyword here is either Time or Service. You have certain chosen people who are your audience. You want them to love you. For Time (Deep) You want people to enjoy the time they spend together with you, because of you. For Service, You want to be needed, and you want people to need the services you have. (Service + Affirmation). Feeling betrayed makes you cringe... You also have circles of people. It's more like a triangle with different distances between people, the smallest number of people being at the top. These are the ones you've chosen to be loved by.

Hrm. So... because this is a tool, it points out to us how are selfishness works, and it gives us something to pray over.
The implications of our Heart Motives in daily life...
It can affect our emotions... our personality traits...
It can affect our relationships... We need to love in a way that people understand love... Feed the heart motives around you...
Sexual preferences, sin/lust.
Eating... maybe to feel full instead of being close to somebody.
Our daydreams too can reflect what our motives are (Getting what you want... etc...)
Leisure/Entertainment... What do we like to do and why?
Disorders... Memory... (Our memory isn't random)
And our relationship with God... What blesses me? God loves me... but we shouldn't turn him into the servant because of what we desire. We still need to be pleasing.
So.
We need to repent over the sinful part of ourselves. Repentance... is changing our motives... that's true repentance.

Evening Worship - Dr Charles Zimmerman, Do the Dance

So many tv shows today are about change. Whether it's by a sledgehammer or by a hug.
Well. Do we want spiritual change?
The seven deadly sins... It all has a core. How can we change this core? Do we try harder? Do we set resolutions?
The Key to change is learning how to dance.
The Bible gives us the rhythm of the gospel, so we can dance with Grace. There's a pattern here, that we can follow. And just as one person leads in a dance, Jesus leads. We follow. Jesus Steps. We Respond.
There are two people we need to follow...
Isaiah Ch 6:1-8
Psalm 51

The first step is...

1. Recognition of Sin - Admission
Jesus first died for us... so we respond. Like at a beach, there's no way we can hide our ugliness. And a lot of times we will do our best to try to hide and conceal our sins (Like toothpaste for a hole in the ceiling =P ) but we need to ADMIT! A lot of times we come in front of Jesus with dirt stains around our mouth (lawl.) and he says...
"Did you eat the dirt?"
And of course... we try to say...
"No."
Just admit it man... he knows what's going on... It's especially important because the second step is...

2. Recognition of Grace - Absolution
God steps in now, and speaks words of forgiveness. God absolves us, of our sin.
It's the Coal...
It's also... "I don't remember his sins."
And the thing here is that...
2 Corinthians 12:9 --> That My sin is not the main event... God's Grace is.
1 John 1:9-2:1.

3. Recognition of The Gospel - Devotion
Do you REALLY want to change? Can you let go?
You should probably let go =]
Rehab sucks... but without rehab the new parts never work well (Physical Rehab... not like drug rehab --;;)
Like... if you want to get to Carnegie hall, you need to practice like crazy man.
Even when you don't feel like it, you need to practice. It's hard. But you have to.
We need to be devoted to the one who is devoted to us.
And even if you feel like it's not working... It's probably working.
John 15:5, Matthrew 7:24 --> Devotion to God, who is devoted to us.

4. Response to the Gospel - Mission
We're not trophies...
We are stewards of God's Grace. 1 Peter 4:10.
Sometimes, we commit spiritual fraud... and think that it's our own. But no, God is the owner of all of it. Talents, gifts, money, we are all stewards of his stuff. We need to be stewards, and mission.
Why? Well you're going to be tempted to think highly of ourselves. The sin in all of us will turn the good --> bad and the bad --> worse. We need to do the dance over and over and over again. =]

Missions Challenge - George Verwer

We need to pray the prayer of availability and be parts of prayer ministry.
Prayer is where it's at.
Psalm 67, Isaiah 6, Acts 12.
Prayer is our vital breath.
Is the holy spirit working in you? Then you won't care about what other people say. So bloom wherever you are and in whatever you do.
A lot of times we don't really feel forgiven...
1 John 2 --> Jesus Christ is our advocate.
Ep. 6/5 (?)
Matthew 9.
Bless you.
Bless others.
Bless the world.

Cool. =]

PN: Make my motives pure. I want to become a godly man.

//end.day2.notes.

winterOIL Day 1 Notes

//winterOIL.day1.notes.

Woooo~ Welcome to OIL babyyyy~
First day... pretty easy 'cause there was what, only one sermon? =P
It was a very good sermon to start with however =]

I also promise to TRY to make my notes in-depth and helpful for your blessings, growth, and reference =]

Cool.

Evening Worship - Rev. Young Kim (Amazed by Him.)

Mark 1:21-34

Jesus Drives Out an Evil Spirit

²¹They went to Capernaum, and when the Sabbath came, Jesus went into the synagogue and began to teach. ²²The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law. ²³Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an evil spirit cried out, ²⁴"What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!"

²⁵"Be quiet!" said Jesus sternly. "Come out of him!" ²⁶The evil spirit shook the man violently and came out of him with a shriek.

²⁷The people were all so amazed that they asked each other, "What is this? A new teaching—and with authority! He even gives orders to evil spirits and they obey him." ²⁸News about him spread quickly over the whole region of Galilee.

Jesus Heals Many

²⁹As soon as they left the synagogue, they went with James and John to the home of Simon and Andrew. ³⁰Simon's mother-in-law was in bed with a fever, and they told Jesus about her. ³¹So he went to her, took her hand and helped her up. The fever left her and she began to wait on them.

³²That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. ³³The whole town gathered at the door, ³⁴and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was.

So. How is our (your) relationship with God? (PN: Mine is a slow growth =])
Mark, is the Gospel of ACTION (Hence, it was mainly written for the Romans, who loved that kind of stuff. Lawl.) We see Jesus, and what he did; and what he did, reflected who he was (is).
Hrm. This year, 2010, let's be amazed.
THIS IS JESUS and I! I am AMAZED.
Why? Something was different when he was speaking and sharing... Rabbi's used to quote other Rabbi's and that would 'cause people to say "Ooooo~"
But Jesus, taught the word of God, as IT WAS; THE WORD OF GOD. As if God was saying it to YOU! We re-use other preachers information... but there is such power when GOD'S WORD is preached. POWER is released... These people listening to Jesus heard the voice of God.

So.

"God, I want to hear your voice. We want to be amazed, experience Jesus, lifted up through scripture."
Every day and every night we can be amazed!
It is like learning a... LANGUAGE.
We need to study the VOCAB. learn the GRAMMAR. There are IDIOMS! and HUMOR! And we also need to know the CULTURE.
In this way... we can communicate... and know someone deeply, truly deeply.
The Language of God... it has promises, covenants, meanings... we need to memorize it and study the scriptures!
You can... have a relationship without a language... but it can really only go so far...
Some people love language... but don;t know the culture or the people...
Language is learned IN ORDER TO DEVELOP relationships.
We want to develop a relationship... to love, to listen to, to follow Jesus Christ.
This language... is a means to an end.
The end? Is a spiritual exchange with the authority of God.
We cannot be lazy... God is speaking to US! We need to speak his language.

There is... a spiritual manifestation.
There is... a spiritual realm that Christ is Lord over.
We need to link to this spiritual side.

We need to Pray. In His name. There is such power in his name.
Is it a Charismatic prayer when we pray in his name? Or is it a Biblical prayer?
Most miracles are for a purpose... Sometimes the validate God, but here... why?
Because of Compassion... for a physical experience.
"God we want you to heal him. I want to experience you in my healing."

...maybe we could do more than nyquil.

Be amazed by God. All Day Erryday.
Pray. In His name.

PN: I do realize now that I left out a bunch of stories...

Like how he always takes Tylenol as soon as something bad happens... and then one day he found his son praying for his wife.
And like how Demons are all around us... but we might fret for no reason... Espeically because there are so many germs in a glass of water we drink... our stomach will take care of it =]
Hrm...

Let's experience God... yaknow? Learn the language... talk to him... communicate with him... We will be amazed... and come closer to him... to know him more and more and more.
'Cause he is Good. He is God.

//end.day1.notes.

True Perfect Love is broken, bruised, bleeding.
It is not rainbows and smiles and kisses.
Nor is it chocolate, kisses or hugs.
True Perfect Love was and is nailed to a cross.
And is it beautiful.

***

I feel like i should copyright that or something...

***

...we nailed him there.
We are ugly.
So ugly.
So twisted.
So evil.
We need his love...

***

I.
Am not feeling any of it right now.
But yet I am...
I cannot stay in this house.
Nor can I come back here.
This is the battleground, it is here, there, everywhere.

The world is bleeding.
And what are we gonna do? Keep bandaging it up?
We cannot keep the world from bleeding.
We can't...
There's nothing we can do...

I'd like to...

...become "that" person for somebody.
Or at least want to want that.
To be able to bring the love that I have so... unconditionally, undeserving-ly received.
That'd be cool...
...but then what's to separate the friends from the... friends (;D)...?
Hrm...
Faith+Patience =]
***
YG Notes from today!
Hebrews 11,
1 Peter 1:7
Mature Christians... break circumstances. They fight in Jesus' name, and NO ONE should rob us of our blessings.
Let's give thanks, in order to see all the things God has done for us...
Grace through faith. Faith is a requirement, like a straw, sucking up the grace from a cup.
We need to depend on God, no lights (?) or anything.
The situations we are put in... are the answers to our prayers.
It's an opportunity to walk by faith. (Hebrews 11:1)
God values our faith.
In order to make olive oil, you need to asd';sag;lsdg;lasjf the oil. k? k.
God knows, EXACTLY what he is doing.
Hebrews 11:6 --> First step is to believe, second step is to believe that he is good, and then we need to earnestly seek him. For he rewards those who do so.
We believe that God does good things.
Trust, that God is Good.

PN: Psh. Comfort. Psh. Home. Trust in God.
I want to be back in the battlefield.
I realize why I've been feeling odd...
I'm too... comfortable here.
But it's okay =]
This is resting time... learning time... because I need to walk by faith as soon as I go back up to Boston >=]
And then... the fire starts... the refining comes back... the dependence on God comes back....
and I love it... and it's going to be AWESOME.... (Oh, but hard. Definitely hard. But it's all good =P 'Cause God is Guuud)
***
EM Service notes.
Mark 7:1-3
1, Religious People - Fake
2, Philanthropy + Humanism = Missions w/o love.
3, Guilt + Shame based Culture...

Christ; is what we have. And this, is everything. We already have, EVERYTHING.
Live by the tradition of the WORD...
NOT the WORLD.

God's commands? Love.
No Love? No Difference.
SO!
Love!
Instead of being Cyclical, we can become Linear, straight to the cross, instead of bumbling around like fools.

The engine always works... the power is there... just check the connection.

Word.
***
I think... today was interesting.
I went in... wanting to be hungry... being somewhat hungry...
And... the sermon kinda opened my eyes a bit.
...Even though... the fire was tough, and the semester was crazy and God was just working... I loved it.
I realize this now... that it was then, that I was really holding onto God, it was then, when my relationship with him was being exercised, and put to the test.
So now... God,
Thank you... for this rest (somewhat =P) And this time of learning...
Build me up... take care of me while I'm here...
'Cause It's time to fight when I go back....
And I am excited God.
I am excited.

Whew...

...I'm kinda happy no one picked up my phone calls.

It gives me some... R&R time...
***
Well. I am busy, that's for sure... Juggling Church stuff, Helping mom at work, and seeing friends...
Takes up my whole day like every day...
Last night was the fourth night I've slept at my house since break started =P
***
GKYM was good, different, but good. Not very retreat-ish, but much more... Rahhh let's do mission. But I think certain things stuck with me a bit...
Especially the Love of Christ for us.
Mmmm... more and more it becomes apparent that I need it =]

...the world is bleeding.
***
I've also decided to go to OIL --> On In Love.
It's coming up this week (busybusybusy hahaha)... and I'm definitely excited to learn more and chill with the king =]
***
So today we had a short seminar on dating... biblically.
yaknow?
I think the things that stuck with me... are... that,

Instead of searching for someone... "perfect"
We should try to make ourselves "perfect".
I know that someone had already said this to me... but Instead of saying, God give me this or give me that.... it should really be, "God make me into this or that kind of person... for someone else.

What we're trying to do here... is bring the love of Christ.

That... TRUE LOVE.

Is bloody, broken, ugly, on the cross.
And when our ugly sides come out in relationships... we not only see that we need Jesus more and more... but that we need to bring the real true love, more and more.

Because really, the true love... is that, while we are so ugly, broken, sinful people... Christ still Loves us, and died for us on that Cross.
***
как интересно, бог, как интересно.
вы любите нас. бы любите нас...
я хочу вашу влюбленность, Иисус
***
t rue love.