So...

...should I sleep in bed with a knife next to me just in case my thoughts get the best of me?
Or will that walk to the kitchen be enough to stop me =D
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HAHAHAHA
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Hrm... Learning... a LOT.
Also... making me think more...
But not as much.
So I think what I'm learning now... is right.
But right now I see it only as black and white.
But those seem to be both wrong.
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I feel like Perfect Me... I feel like a Perfect Me.
Perfect Me?
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Do I live the way I used to? To show God loves me?
Do I live the way I think I should? To show God loves me?
I think these are both wrong...
Because it has been brought to my attention... just how shortcoming I really am. In a good way. That his light will be reflected off of me if he so chooses...
I am once again. Powerless.
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So what happens when I take off this mask of... wanted perfection. The compassion, the niceness.
Better question... is it really a mask?
What's left?
I see bitterness. Frustration, anger, depression. Is that what's at the core?
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What is in my heart?
What is in my heart.
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And all I can think about is... "Jack Daniels could solve all of this." (But I'm really not. God please help me. Did I lose it? Did I lose my dependence on you? Did I do something wrong?? Am I bad? I just don't get it.)
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So it goes.... aigoo.