I'll try to be more honest.

Try. Is the keyword here... no promises.

I'm still pretty fucked up all around, got lotta issues to deal with.

Got a lot of demons to cast out.

God, I know you're bigger than my problems and my sins, but... I'll be real, I'm a little too prideful to accept that.

It's easy for me to write this here, because I feel like no one reads these, yet I can still get it out in a public place.

Oh well.

Maybe I should stop writing in my normal cryptic tone and just be straightforward.

Anyway. I see myself as a shit person.

I hate the way I am.

I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.

But even there, I hate all of you.

I judge each and every single one of you.

Sorry. I know I need fixing =/ It's just all of these insecurities that have built up over time from a terribad father.

Really at the core of all of this, my insecurities coming out through my judgment on you, on whether or not you're a good enough person for me, is because I'm a five year old kid with daddy issues.

Ionno. It's a process yeh?

God what the hell have you planned for me? How are you changing me? Molding me?

Making me the way you have planned me to be?

Ah. Whatever. There's so much I want to share (But I'll never admit that), there are so many people I want to get to know and deepen friendships with...

But I'm awkward as fcuk. Sorry.
I don't think you want to hear it or deal with me. So I'll either distance myself from you, or just... gawk at you, or even imitate you.

I'm so weird.

We're just at the tip of the iceberg, yeh?
Or maybe I'm just so prideful that I even think I've got the most and worst problems out of everyone else around me...

So let's put it this way... and try to be as... awkwardly, shamefully, "Oh-God-why-did-i-just-share-all-of-this"-ly honest.

I'm pathetic, I'm weak, I'm lonely, alone and insecure I can't do it without help, from people, from God.

I need help.