It's interesting...

...when people point out some things about your own life that you've failed to see.
So.

***

dream xliv (6:16:17 PM): im so like...
dream xliv (6:16:19 PM): melancholy.
dream xliv (6:16:26 PM): i feel like a flatline.
*** (6:16:56 PM): cuz
*** (6:17:06 PM): ur going through a ton of stuff right now
dream xliv (6:17:42 PM): like what?
*** (6:18:08 PM): a breakup, reforming ur relationship with god
*** (6:18:13 PM): those two alone are pretty heavy
*** (6:18:38 PM): and ur doing tons of work with fencing, dancing, praise team, classes,......
dream xliv (6:18:51 PM): oh.
dream xliv (6:18:52 PM): yeah.
*** (6:18:59 PM): lol
dream xliv (6:19:03 PM): HAHAHAHA I kinda forget about that...
dream xliv (6:19:04 PM): >_>
dream xliv (6:19:05 PM): hrm.
dream xliv (6:19:11 PM): that's depressing.
dream xliv (6:19:19 PM): or funny, in a dark way.
*** (6:19:30 PM): thats amazing to me
*** (6:19:36 PM): that youre still standing
dream xliv (6:20:58 PM): why?
dream xliv (6:21:20 PM): =X honest question.
*** (6:21:31 PM): cuz
*** (6:21:37 PM): when i see u or talk to you
*** (6:21:45 PM): you seem to be doing okaY (That irks me for some reason... LOL)
*** (6:21:55 PM): but when i like actually think about everything ur going through
*** (6:22:06 PM): its like wham train hitting you
*** (6:23:54 PM): lol am i just making it worse for you
*** (6:25:27 PM): but the fact that ur withstanding all that and making the best of it is worthy of a round of applause
*** (6:25:28 PM): i think
dream xliv (6:26:00 PM): haa.

***

Haa.
I'm sitting in the library.

Reading a book about... Bluegrass, and death?
I'm enjoying it a lot.

Is that really a lot to be going through? I thought it was kinda normal...

Err... somewhat?

I'd like a hug.
I'd like to cry into someone right now.
I'm pretty tired too.

***

And who cares? I mean, God cares, my friends care, I guess I care.
That's right, I do care.
Less about me, more about other people...
I won't be here for too long. I don't think. It won't seem like that when I look back at my life.
Ha.

***

I'm still here.
Do I want to stand firm like a tree?
Mm. Maybe not a tree... more like...
a shrubbery? (LOL)
or...
something...
something planted near streams. Of living water.
Growing, ever so slowly, yet, yielding.
How Zen.

I've always liked weeping willows.

I'll stop typing now.