I'm going to feel depressed.
I'm going to feel joy.
I'm going to feel sadness.
I'm going to feel happiness.

But I won't give up.

I can get A's.
I can get B's.
I can get C's
I can fail.

But I will not give up.

I may not be a good son.
I may not be a good dancer.
I may not be a good student.
I may not be a good musician.
I may not be a good fencer.
I may not be a good friend.
I may not be a good Christian.

But I will not give up.

Even when I want to kill myself.
Even when I want to get high.
Even when I want to get shitfaced.
Even when I want to stop putting in an effort to be good.
Even when I want to stop putting in an effort.
Even when I want to stop.

I will not give up.

Life will throw everything at me.
The Devil will throw everything at me.
(I don't know if/but/maybe) God might throw things at me.

I will not give up.

I swear, tonight. For the rest of my life.

Whatever happens.

I swear...

I won't fuckin' give up.

You hear me?

You na'msayin?

I won't fuckin' give up.

I will not give up.

Ah. I didn't get out of bed till a few minutes ago.

I read your word.
But the words weren't being read.

I'm back in that hole again.

I don't know why I'm here.
I have theories.
They all conflict.

Usually about how messed up I am.

Last night's dream was twofold...

I drove to my grandparents/neighbors house, then we all got in the car together and started driving to church.

I then was working at a small Korean mart...
Cleaning the shelves, helping people out.
I needed a rag to clean, not a hag...
It's okay I understand, you think I don't speak Korean...

I'm not doing anything today...

Four Dreams in a hour and a half nap.

1st Dream...
At school, pouring rain, Korean restaurant, the bad guys aren't really bad people. You should be nicer to him, he sits alone. But thanks for the free food Yimo. They appreciated it. Thanks for the food, head chef. I appreciated it. Hope the trial goes well Yimo.

2nd Dream...
At home, Dad and Uncle need to do business, Phone call from Dad, Argument... But my Dad lost his phone. Don't yell at me Dad... It's not my fault I swear...

3rd Dream... I forgot??

4th Dream...
Pier, Haunted House, Scavenger Hunt, Camping/Sleepover, Special Girl, Thief...
Come back with our stuff... Oh wait you guys go on ahead, she hurt her hand...

Ho.

The last few days... have been good.

And I wont lie, God.

I'm a little nervous.

Because I want you to be my one and only, and I don't want to place anything higher than you.

And I'm scared I'll get too comfortable with this happiness.

Keep me humble... all the praise goes to you... none to me... this is all of your doing...

Hrm. But it seems like you've been answering prayers.

So I will keep on praying, trying to do what's right.

Ah.

Trying to do what's right.

Trying to do.

Trying.

Ah. Good you are good.

God it was nice that you brought me back to church. =]
Thank you for giving me happiness the last few days.
Really... all the glory goes to you.
You are... Good. So so good. Oh so good. Oh, oh, Good. Oh, OH, Good.
God you are Good.

Ah. Thank you...

God, thanks for letting me... talk to her about you, really, just really show her what you mean to me.
God you are my first love, as much as I like her, and as much as she makes me happy, God, you are 100x better.

I want you to mean to her, what you mean to me...
and I mean that.

Thanks for her God =]
She makes me happy.