Hrm...

...been thinking...
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2 Corinthians 6:10 (NLT)
¹⁰ Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.
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our hearts... they ACHE.
but we ALWAYS.
ALWAYS.
have.
Joy.

We may be... POOR.
but yet, we are the RICHEST.
We have... NOTHING.
But we have EVERYTHING.

God you are worth EVERYTHING.
***
I think the first part speaks to me a lot...
Lots of people have commented on my heart recently...
Some things like Big, or... Delicate came up.
I think I am... a fairly good person.
I try to be nice, and caring.
And I think I am fairly nice and caring...
To say that I don't need work, would be wrong.
I'd like to be able to love people more...
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To say that I judge a little would be an understatement...
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The closer and closer I get to God, the more and more depraved, wretched, sick, wicked I see myself.
And that's fine.
God has blessed me with these problems... so that I would turn to him.
To be fixed.
So that his glory might fill in the cracks.
***
My heart does ache.
I know that God will mold it... fix it up.
Make it nice.
Without a doubt, I have been growing this semester.
Without a doubt, God has been teaching me this semester.
Raising me, caring for me, loving for me.
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Today I read about Solomon.
How he was so wise and people saw YOU GOD,
They saw you through his wisdom.
And his heart was led astray by women (Hohoho...)
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God keep my eyes focused. Straight. On you.
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But I think here...
Is that my heart has been aching.
It hurts a lot.
And I cannot say that I've been the best person to care for another's heart...
And I realize this God, and I am sorry...
My heart hurts a lot too.
It Aches. So much.
But recently,
Fighting it has gotten better.
I know that... I am unlike most.
I know that... I am different, and that I stand out, whether I do it to myself, or others do it...
But... there is an underlying Joy.
There is a joy there.
As much as my heart aches.
As much as I wish to be a part of something.
As much as I want to be back into a relationship,
As much as I want to be a part of a community,
I think I'm becoming more and more okay, with not being a part of all of this.
I think I'm becoming more and more okay, with me just being me.
And God, that's all you.
I want to build my house with you as the foundation.
I want to stick to my guns.
And God I want to love everyone, from this freedom that you have given me God.
And I'll trust in you God.
I will trust in you.
***
Ah. Good morning God, How can I be pleasing in your eyes today?