I want to...

...stick to my guns.

So God here I am.
I can't do anything without you.
You are my strength, my rock, my redeemer.
You Love me, you run after me.
And I am weak. Lame. I can't do anything... Everything I can do... will fall short of your glory God.
And so I need you God.
The things I've invested in... were worth nothing, they are still nothing.
You God... are forever. Endless. Caring. Loving. Perfect.
God you are perfect.
And you made me God... blessed me with who I am, what I have...
You even blessed me with imperfection, that your glory would be seen...
And God... I felt far from you... Even though you were working so hard...
And I hate it. I hate that I'm on my knees because of a small stick thrown into a chain.
I hate that I'm not more and more desperate for you.
I hate myself God. I love what you've done. But I am dirty. I am broken. I am twisted God.
And I need you God. I need your love. I need your refining fire.
And I feel myself getting bitter towards the things around me.
And I don't like that. I don't like it at all.
And I feel myself disliking the people that I love.
When you loved everyone... God I need you.
I am sick. I am twisted. I am messed up God.
I am in pain God.
But how can I complain.
How can I complain, when you bled to death, suffocated to death, were beaten to death?
How can I complain.
When you Died for me.
How can I complain,
When you breathed life into me, and gave me all that I have.
And Bless me time and time again.
I am sick. I am twisted.
And I feel like a child.
And I thought I was growing up, but the minute I stepped out the door, I felt like a child again.
God I need you.
God you are too good.
God I need you.
God where am I to go?
And I hear all these different messages, everyone's telling me different things...

Fuck Off.

And I don't want to say that. I don't want to curse. I want praise for your name to flow from my lips, God.
But this stuff is bugging me...
I am a failure.
When I can't even turn to you God.

GOD YOU ARE GOOD.

GOD YOU ARE PERFECT.

I can't even hold a candle to you...
I feel so sick on the inside God...
So sick...

GOD I NEED YOU.

GOD I AM NOTHING WITHOUT YOU.

You are my home.
You are my shelter God...
Test grades don't make me who I am, you do God.
My growth, my growth in you, my growth as a person is much more important.
God, who am I to even call you my gun... You are my father God.
I want to stick to you God...
I believe in you...
I want to stick to my guns...
God I love you.
God you love me...
Even though I am nothing...
Even though I can't do anything God.
And it hurts God... 'cause I feel like you're all I have... and you're all I need God...
But it hurts so much... But rip it out God... rip it out...
God I am different... I am unique you made me this way...
Take me... I belong nowhere. To no one... but to you God.
God I love you.
And I'm in pain. I am so sick. So WRETCHED.
I don't deserve any of this God...
God I need you.
God I love you.
God...