As I was driving...

...a lot of things came in and out of my head.

If I didn't have my hand on the steering wheel I would've tried to write some of these thoughts down.

So a few things have been bouncing around in my head, one reoccurring theme continues to be this "rok" thing... the responsibility of (or that comes with) knowing. When we know about something, we become, somewhat, responsible, or connected to what we've just found out.

This brings to question the ideas behind lies and truth. Let's assume that a truthful statement is a statement that is, not false, or valid, and that the validity relies on the real-ness of the statement based upon other conjectures/assumptions we have that buttress it.

Whereas,

A false statement would be a statement in which the validity/realness is not very well supported, or not supported at all. In essence, a lie. (DUH)

But, when we don't bring in assumptions/conceptions or anything else into the picture, and just have the statement itself, most people tend to accept it as a truth. And even if they question, false premises can be created to feign the legitimacy of the original concept.

In this sense, a lie exists as a lie, only to those who know it is a lie, and not the truth.

Does that make sense?

Odd sortof idea, changes the way I think about lying and being truthful.

But I guess that was brought into question a little bit last night/today as I was driving.

For a while I had said to myself, let's always be honest. Then it changed to, let's always be honest unless we need to hold back the truth from people. And then it evolved into, let's be honest, unless we need to lie for certain benefits, because some people cannot take or handle this responsibility of knowing.

And now, I'm not so sure where I stand about this.

Next thing... Beauty.

A friend was talking to me last night, and this person said that if he/she could have anything in the world it would be a perfect body because even if they weren't beautiful on the inside, they could be beautiful on the outside.

Certain things make my stomach hurt, or feel weird when I hear it. When I get insecure about my girlfriend, my stomach hurts, when something bad happens or there's a lot on my mind, my stomach hurts. And not like a, stomach virus kind of hurt, but just a small little feeling, that isn't good.

And this is the same feeling I had last night when I read what my friend had said. My friend had also said that models make her/him feel bad, that he/she gets jealous of them and their figures and their beauty.

Is there really something wrong with the way that we are? Is there something wrong with my friend? Is there something wrong with me?

I ask myself this a lot when I'm deep in my thoughts, convinced that no one else in the world has ever or might have thought of these things. I know I'm wrong, but when you're drowning in the ocean your first thoughts aren't necessarily worried or aware of someone else that might also be drowning in a totally different sea.

Does anyone know the Korean fairy tale/fable about the frog who lives in the well? He thinks he's the king, and there's no other place in the world that can compete. He swims around in the water, and can rest in the sun on a rock. However, a turtle comes by, and sees the Frog. The Frog boasts that he is the king of this "sea." However, the turtle tells him that there is a whole MOTHAFUCKIN OCEAN out there (...ha...ha...).

Maybe we're all just a big mix of frogs and turtles. I like to see myself as a turtle, (Self-righteous? We'll get to that soon, I have ideas about that as well) mainly because I look around me and I keep thinking, I hope these people want better for themselves, and want more than just this.

Recently I've been telling kids who are applying to college to "get the fuck out of here." I think it's very relevant and separates the frogs from the turtles. I don't mean to narrow the issue by constricting it to college. However, a lot of people just, limit themselves by setting a standard or an example to reach for. They become to comfortable with their surroundings and would rather opt to just, "whatever" instead of becoming in charge of their own personal growth and become aware of the ocean instead of attempting to live like a king in their own well.

So, get the fuck out of here. In a good way. See the sea, see the ocean, know that you're not just a frog in a well. But if you're really comfortable living as a king of a well, Okay. That's fine. I have no right in trying to get a frog to swim in an ocean. But i guess, in a way, because of "rok" I feel somewhat obliged to tell people that I know about an ocean that does exist out there.

Meh.

Self-righteousness. I think is so weird. It seems like a misdirected form of confidence. Both the frog, and the turtle could be self-righteous. However, the frog seems to be the self-righteous one, convinced of his own kingship, while the turtle is still humble enough to admit that the sea is mightier than he is, and that he just swims within it's power.

Am I being self-righteous? or confident?

And is that what may or may not be "wrong" with me?

In Genesis 1:31, it says, clearly that:

³¹ God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

It was VERY GOOD. We are all God's creations, therefore we are, very good.

I mean we could get into a whole other argument about religion and the validity of christianity based upon it's premises, realness and ideas that back it up. But meh. It's a truth until we find out that it's a lie.

But, this is why I tell myself, and I tell people, that there is nothing wrong with the way I am, with the way we are, with the way you are.

It's only our own perversions and misdirections of our emotions and feelings that lead us (and when I say us I mean people, I just read an article about some guy who raped a four year old... sigh.) to commit "crimes" (in quotes because these are derived from ourselves, laws [very legitimate] based upon human nature and the preservation of certain human truths we hold dear to ourselves).

Mmmm.

It's up to us to decide what we think is beautiful, but we shouldn't let it limit ourselves, nor should we belittle ourselves in pursuit of what we think is beautiful. There's nothing wrong in trying to better yourself in a way you think fits you. Just don't limit yourself.

God has a plan for us, but whether or not you believe that doesn't mean you don't have free will. Take it and use it. Whether it's your own glory, helping others, or the Glory of God, do something.

Keep on swimming, I think. Make it to the ocean, see it's vastness, don't squint your eyes so that you lose sight of the world around you. Keep on swimming. There's nothing wrong with you.



*****

Endnote: This was very theraputic for me. I'm actually smiling. Getting this all out makes me feel a little bit lighter, which is one reason why I don't necessarily mind who read this. It's public for those who happen to stumble upon it, but I like this for my own personal records as well =]
KCool. Have a good day everyone.