...Mutt? Moment of Weakness?

You don't have to read this. This may or may not be a moment of weakness for me.
And yes, I am putting it up publicly. It helps me. You do not have to read it if you don't want.
And for those of you that are thinking that possibly I am putting this up with the intention of looking over my shoulder, and hoping that someone will say something to me, to point something out to me.
You're right. I am putting this up to help myself get some things out, to help cope and possibly to see if anyone wants to say anything in response.
You will hear this many times in the following paragraphs.
I love you all, but right now, and just for right now, maybe possibly again in the future when I get to this point of anger again,

Fuck you all. I love you all, but right now. Fuck your shit. All of you. I've had enough of your bullshit.

Is there heaven for a mutt? Is there love for a mutt?
I feel like I stick out wherever I go. My church, the churches I’ve visited. The people at my school, my highschool friends.
I am, a “mutt”
Mixed breed, mudblood, impure, tarnished. Whatever you would like to classify me as.
Go ahead, string me up, give me your kingdoms and phylums so you can know where to place me, this misdirection of your fear of unknowing.
Your insecurities and even your failures at attempting to keep your race pure. Your close-mindedness, your tunnel-vision that only allows you to work with people of your own kind, to never branch out to keep yourself locked into a neverending cycle of racial superiority and discrimination. You feel this need to chain me down, another “new race” that you are unsure of how to deal with it. You will look at me and think of my parents, how they could ever love each other, eyes closed, looking past skin color.
You cannot comprehend the love, or at least what love there was when I was conceived, created, destined to become an amalgamation of my parents’ traits and heritages.
I know where I’m from. Do you? Do you have written history that dates back almost three thousand years?
Do you know the stories of how your great-grandparents met? And how their love and the loves of their children spiraled all the way down to me? The black sheep of this family.
You say you love me. You say I make you proud. You say that I am to be a bridge between different peoples of color. I believe you.
But the way he looks at me makes me think otherwise.
“What is this thing, what is this child that I have created?”
I am a mutt. You fuck. And right now, I am very angry.
I will chew apart your couches, and shit and piss everywhere until you decide to either finally accept me, or take me to a pound.
Do not fuck with me. You have no Idea where I’ve been, what I am capable of, and who is behind me.
This is a-fuckin-merica. The YEW ESS OF AY. If you so desire to stick to your own races, to stick to yourselves, move back to your own countries, your unsoiled, unspoiled countries, filled with your untarnished purities that you so love, cherish, and would hate to go to waste on someone like me.
This is the fucking melting pot of the world, and you’re going to try to keep your integrity? You will be in close contact with so many different people. In fact, you are GIVEN the PRIVILEDGE of being able to interact with people of all different races and color and creed and social status and financial status. And yet you can only shut yourself into the same thing that your ancestors have done, and their ancestors before you.
“Is he Korean? I only work well with Korean people.” I really like you, really, truly, you’re a great guy, you sing well and you play guitar well, and God has a plan for you, I mean it with all my heart, I love working with you, playing with you, praising with you.
BUT REALLY? I swear, if anyone else were to say that….
GO THE FUCK BACK TO KOREA IF YOU REALLY ONLY WORK WELL WITH KOREAN PEOPLE.
GODS LOVE ISN’T JUST FOR KOREANS YOU FUCKHEAD.
YOU GO ON MISSION TRIPS YOU PREACH THE GOSPEL, JESUS’ LAST COMMANDMENT FOR US
This really isn’t just to you, and I’ve forgiven you the moment you said that, but I am just using you as an example of… let’s say a moment of weakness that you showed to me.
Missions means shit if you aren’t willing to break yourself down. Christianity means shit unless you are willing to sacrifice yourself.
Fuck you all.
Seriously.
You tell me that you have a nice community of people, that they are all accepting and caring and loving.
Fuck your shit. Honestly.
Don’t let me sell short everyone else that has shown me, really, just love that, I don’t deserve. Thank you guys for really taking me into your family, your communities.
But for the rest of you, fuck you.
Don’t bullshit me, I see the way you stare at me, my eyes may not be as small as yours OR even as big as yours, but I am a part of you, there is a part of you in me.
Fuck you all. You make me feel like shit. There is no one around me that I can relate to, and all you do is continue to shun me from either side.
I am too Asian to be white, and too white to be Asian. No matter where I am, you will always stare at me, and point me out. You will wonder many things. But I tell you right now,
I am a mutt. And you are Dog Food.