It's odd how...

...the night's and days are slowly becoming blurred, especially as I've been staying up insanely late to do work, or just late talking to old friends.

It's interesting how God speaks to me, and even provides to me when I disobey him, even if it's something small.

It's interesting how my troubles, which used to be a roar in my heart are subsiding. Not leaving, but just a small growl or purr.

***

A few days ago, it's odd how I don't even remember when because every night seems so odd to me... I think it was... Monday night going into Tuesday night.

I decided to give up, on my control of the world in a way.

At four in the morning I remember talking to someone about this, and he phrased it so well...

That, "God, i can't do this on my own, i realize that. but since you called me to it, i'll do it, knowing that it's only by your strength that i'll be able to do it"

And I know that... there are certain things that CAN be changed about myself, but to deny the way that they are right now, would be wrong.

I need to deal with some issues that I've either been lying to myself or been putting off for too long, and for the glory of God, I surrender. I can't do this on my own. I need help God.

***

And yes, lately, as intense as the days have been, God, I know that you've been walking with me. Just standing next to me keeping me safe. As hard as it's been, as depressed as I've been as busy i've been, you've been there with me God.

***

Today I woke up late, and skipped my first class. I knew that God didn't want me to do that...
But he still provided me with a car ride to campus for my next class.
You are good.

...and it hasn't rained yet.

I can't wait for the weekend...

***

In giving up, my fears are subsided...
That I will be taken care of, and everything in due time.

I know that I will continue to follow you, and what you've called me to do.

My faith in you is growing God.

Light me on fire. Set me ablaze.