I haven't done anything dumb, yet.

I get nauseous when I think about yelling back at my mom.

"How could you even think about that when all she's done is provided and provided for you, and shown you nothing but love and care?"

The reason why I hate that she continues to give me money is I don't think I deserve it.

I'm a shit son.

A shit Christian.

A shit student.

A shit person.

I'm complete and utter shit.

If I truly loved the things that I did, I would do more for them, care for them more, care for it more. Do more for it, make time for it, learn about it, study it. I have failed.

I've hurt people, I can't fix them, make them better, I can't help them.

I messed up my parents marriage.
Or at least Dad tells me so.
Dad would love me if I was an A+ person, if I was a better student, if my "grades reflected how good of a person I am".

Mom doesn't want to hear it anymore. She had to leave the house because of Dad, how can I blame her? How could I ever get mad at her? I'm a bad person to even consider that.

"Why are you such a burden on other people? Can't you just kill yourself and be done with it? Oh wait, they'd have to clean up your mess. What a burden... Oh well looks like you're stuck again. Maybe you should cut yourself. But make sure no one knows, otherwise they'll begin to worry. And even if they do, it's only out of obligation. Why would anyone want to care about you? You're nothing. Don't even try to judge other people, you're not any better than they are. If anything, you're worse for all of this."

I'm shit... I don't deserve anything...